Warning: long, LONG post filled with TMI. This is your chance to turn away!
Up to this point I've been pretty open and honest about our infertility woes. Sometimes I wonder if it's the right thing to do, but it feels right to me...so I guess that means it is. I don't share these details to have people feel sorry for us or anything like that, but to hopefully have prayers said on our behalf and maybe even help others feel like they're not so alone. We're never alone, even when we feel that way, after all. Our God is always with us.
I've been wavering back and forth as to whether or not I should share (on the blog) how Baby G came to be, and I've decided to just do it. Once again, maybe we can provide a little glimmer of hope for someone else out there, and if not, then I'll, at the very least, have a record of how I'm feeling at this very time in our lives. So here we go...
If you've read this blog or know me, you know that I was diagnosed with PCOS August of last year. We got this news after about 7 months of trying to get pregnant. It was devastating. I knew it could have been so much worse, but that knowledge still didn't make the pain go away. At the time, we (mostly me) weren't ready to go forward with treatment. We did the "not try but not prevent" thing for awhile until the timing felt right again. After all, we did have football season to avoid! ;-)
In March of this year we decided it was time. I started seeing my doctor monthly, and in April I started taking a drug called Clomid. I was a little nervous about it because of all the horror stories I'd heard of the awful side-effects, but I'm happy to report I didn't really have any. In fact, I was more relieved than anything to be "regular." My doctor said she'd allow me to be on this drug for 6 months, but after that I'd have to see a specialist as it's not really safe to take this drug for longer than that.
We had our prayer warriors behind us, and we all pleaded with God to make this happen in less than those 6 months.
-I took Clomid in April with no results. "Okay, it's only the first month, no biggie!"
-We skipped May because Rob was here in Temple the whole time and I was still in Abilene...you see where that's going...
-Later that month we moved, but I didn't want to change doctors in the middle of all of that, so I went back to Abilene for my June check-up and was given another round of Clomid...once again, NADA. "Well that sucks...at least I won't be preggers on our cruise?"
-By July I was pretty sure it wasn't going to happen that month either. My doctor planned to do an HSG or "dye test" to see if there was any blockage in my tubes if things didn't work out this round, so I was really just looking ahead to that.
Well wouldn't you know it...
I was supposed to be seeing "AF" on a Sunday in August...well she no-showed me. Not unusual, she's sorta known for that around here. I didn't get my hopes up because I knew better than that. I'd done that one too many times and it always ended in disappointment. So I waited...and waited...and I was crampy...and I KNEW she was coming. But by Friday she still hadn't made it, so I finally decided to take a test. I woke up that morning at like 5:15...WAY before my alarm. I figured I better go ahead and pee, and since you're supposed to use "first morning urine" I took the test and was just going to go back to bed instead of cry about it. Imagine my SHOCK when I saw a dark pink SECOND line pop up in seconds! I was stunned and in a complete state of disbelief. I jumped up and down and screamed and cried and yelled "THANK YOU JESUS" over and over for about 15 minutes. I just could not believe it. I finally came back to reality and decided I better shower and go to Wal-Mart for a "real" test because my first one was just a dollar store one. But first, I called Rob with my best sick voice (2-a-days had started, he was already gone) and asked if he could come home because I felt "soooo baaaaddd." Yeah right! Next to the day I married him, this was one of my happiest days EVER. And I wasn't about to tell him we were having a baby on the phone...I wanted to SEE his face and his excitement! Well, he was about to go on the field, so he couldn't come back home unless I was like dying or something, so I was on my own.
I took the quickest shower of my life and sped to Wal-Mart. I got a digital test and a "Happy Birthday Grandma" card for my mom. Well, of course the digital test was positive as well, and I was elated. Now to keep this to myself for 5 more hours until I saw Rob at lunch...
I went to work that morning, and all of my co-workers probably thought they had never seen someone as happy as this girl for Friday! I was practically skipping through the halls.
Lunchtime finally rolled around, and Rob picked me up to go eat. I jumped in his truck and told him I had something for him...then I handed him the test. Yes, the one I peed on...we're married, it's okay. I can't remember exactly what he said but I know his whole face lit up and he said something along the lines of "WE DID IT!!???!! YES!!!" and gave me a big hug. Of course, that was the topic of the lunch hour...duh! We talked mostly about who to tell and how/when. My family was coming in that night for my mom's birthday, and there was no way we could keep it from them, so we decided to tell immediate family and everyone else after I had been to the doctor. Neither of us could believe we finally got to share this exciting news with all the people who had been praying for us along the way.
That night my parents and brother and SIL came in, and I was trying my hardest to play it cool. Rob wasn't going to be home from 2-a-days until about 8, then we were going to do dinner, THEN gifts...sheesh, practically an eternity. I appointed myself gift-hander so I could be in charge of when "Grammie B" got our baby news card. Mom was already so emotional with the book that KB & Nicole made her; she was really feeling the love. After a couple other gifts, I handed her "one last card...."
She opened it, and the outside said "Happy birthday Grandma!"
It was her 50th, so I think she was a little confused at first as to whether we were just poking fun at that, but then she opened the inside which was signed...
"Love, Baby Galusha"
My SIL glanced over and put it all together first, my dad just had this look of shock and happiness on his face, KB was on the other end of the couch and didn't know what was going on, and all my mom could say through her tears of JOY was,
"Did you LIE to me??!"
Hahaha! We all still laught about this. You see I had text her that morning to say I'd be going to the doctor again...she assumed that meant my Abilene doctor, but really, I meant a new baby doctor here in Temple. So, no, I did not lie to my mother! Never, ever!
Oh my goodness, telling our families was just priceless. I'll never forget their excitement. Rob's mom cried, and had to sit down so she wouldn't fall over, his brother, Will, was equally excited (but without the tears) to be an Uncle and all of our Grandparents screamed and/or cried with elation as well! Couldn't have been any sweeter.
So, our journey to baby turned out to be short in the grand scheme of things even if it didn't feel that way. That year and a half felt like an eternity, but I know it really wasn't, and we're very thankful.
I know there are so many couples out there struggling to conceive, and I just want you to know that I am praying. Some of you that I've e-mailed or facebooked with I name one by one, but even if I don't know your name, I am still praying. I know what it's like to feel hopeless, to hurt every single month (and day), and to feel jealous of others who are expecting. I know what it's like to cry yourself to sleep and to BEG God to take the desire away if it's not meant to be. Nothing about it is easy. I know. But even more importantly, OUR GOD knows. He knows our hearts better than we ever could, He knows our desires, and He has a plan for each of us. Patience is hard to come by in this process, but it's so important to remember that in the end, God's timing is perfect. And He knows what He's doing.
YOU ARE LOVED.